


What is Real

by Lady_Sci_Fi



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9630116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Sci_Fi/pseuds/Lady_Sci_Fi
Summary: After the events of "The Search," Julian needs reassurance on what is real.





	

 Julian Bashir stared up at the ceiling from the his bunk on the Defiant, impatient to get back to Deep Space Nine. Everyone else was probably just as eager to get home, but the others hadn’t experienced what he had in the experimental simulation done on them by the Founders.

 Julian closed his eyes. Garak. He needed to see the Cardassian tailor. His best friend, and more than friend, as they had been for a good while now.

 He kept thinking about what had happened to Garak in the simulation. He couldn’t stop. It had all been much too real to brush it off as not real. He wouldn’t be satisfied until he saw Garak in person.

 ********

 Finally, they made it through the wormhole and docked at the station. After being told to meet the next morning in the wardroom for debriefing, Julian hurried off. He asked the computer the time. At the answer, his stride quickened and he made his way out to the Promenade. He knew he probably looked a state, with hair messy and uniform dirty from the attack on the Defiant. But he did not care.

 He jumped down the three steps to the door of Garak’s shop, which slid open at his presence. The Cardassian was there, alive and well to Julian’s relief, talking with a customer about a tunic hanging on a rack. Garak looked to him, a pleased smile on his face.

 “Ah, Doctor, you’re back from your mission,” Garak greeted. He looked the doctor over once, and asked, “Is everything alright?”

 Julian resisted the urge to rush over to Garak and grab him into a tight embrace, knowing he wouldn’t appreciate that display of affection in front of a customer. He swallowed thickly, and nodded. “It can wait until you’re done,” he replied with a forced smile.

 Garak nodded once, and returned to his discussion with the Bajoran.

 Julian distracted himself by studying the textures and patterns of Garak’s work on display, on the opposite wall from Garak and the Bajoran. The distraction wasn’t very good, since he couldn’t stop himself from continually glancing over to him. His hand kept clenching and unclenching, needing to feel Garak, to know through that sense that this was what was real, and not the false memory in his mind.

  _“Just something I read once in a book,” Garak said with a grin, glancing down at the two Jem’Hadar he had just shot._

_Julian chuckled, “I’m sure,” as he turned to follow Sisko and Dax._

_A cry of pain made Julian quickly turn back, and he was met with the sight of Garak backed against the wall and sliding down it to the floor. His heart dropped in his chest. “Garak!” He rushed to him, ignoring the returning phaser fire from Dax. His arm went around the Cardassian’s shoulder, and his other hand went to the other shoulder. “Garak…”_

_Julian glanced down to the burn that had appeared on the abdomen of Garak’s tunic, then quickly brought his gaze back up to Garak’s blue pain-filled eyes. The smell of burned clothing and flesh filled his nose._

_Their eyes met. “Doctor… I’m afraid I won’t be able to join you for lunch today…”_

_Julian’s arms around the Cardassian felt the instant all the strength and life left his body. He couldn’t believe it, and could only stare down at him. It took Sisko’s firm hand around his arm to pull him away…_

Julian heard the shop door open, and spun to see Garak. The other man waited until it had slid closed to ask,” Are you alright, my dear Doctor?”

 Julian couldn’t hold himself back any longer and rushed to Garak, throwing his arms over his shoulders and hugging him close. There was the usual strength in Garak’s posture, the usual smell of him without the burnt clothes and flesh, the usual voice unstrained by pain. Garak was here, alive. But that did not immediately dispel the agony of the memory.

 “Julian?” Garak’s voice was low and concerned.

 “I’m sorry.” The younger man’s voice came out muffled against the scales of Garak’s neck.

 Garak soothingly brought his hands up to rest on Julian’s back. “Whatever happened on your trip to the Gamma Quadrant?” He moved his head slightly to the side at the fell of tears dripping onto his neck ridge. This, in addition to the disheveled appearance made him full of concern indeed.

 “You died,” answered a voice straining to hold back a sob.

 Garak’s fingers on the human’s back tightened. “I… I assure you, my dear, I am perfectly healthy.”

 “I-I mean… I didn’t mean it like… I don’t know. It’s confusing.”

 “Sounds like it,” Garak agreed. His hands on Julian’s waist held the other man back enough to see his face.

 “But you’re not dead. I know you’re not…” Julian’s fingers trailed up the thick fabric along Garak’s shoulder and stopped when it turned to scaled ridges. He took a deep and shuddering breath. “It wasn’t real. This…” he moved in close to hug Garak again, burying his nose just under the jaw ridges. “This is real…”

 Garak knew the younger man needed to talk about whatever had happened to them in the Gamma Quadrant. He told the computer to dim the lights.

 “I can’t tell you everything,” Julian said when he pulled back, but kept his hands on Garak’s shoulders. The Cardassian kept his hands on Julian’s waist, grounding him here.

 “I know. Tell me what you can.”

 Julian took a steadying breath, and looked down to the floor for a moment. When his gaze came back up, he blinked back tears. He cleared his throat. “We were captured, and put into this… experiment. It was a simulation of the station. I suppose they drew on what we knew and manipulated circumstances. You were there…” His fingers took hold of the red fabric under them. “Long story short, we had to escape. You, me, Commander Sisko, Dax, and Chief O’Brien. On the way to the runabout, we came across some Jem’Hadar soldiers. You took care of them.” Julian couldn’t help the little smile at how that Garak had done so.

 “And then?” Garak prompted when Julian’s silence went too long.

 “And then… more came, caught us off-guard.” Julian’s breathing quickened, and his eyes went down to Garak’s chest. “You were shot. There was… was nothing I could do but hold you and hope you would be alright. But you didn’t, and you weren’t. You died… slumped against the wall and in my arms…”

 Garak stood still for a moment. Then he lifted Julian’s chin with a gentle finger. “But I didn’t. I’m right here.”

 “Like I said. Confusing.” Julian ran a hand down Garak’s sleeve grabbing the end of it. “So I… I needed to see you, to feel you alive, as soon as I could.”

 “Quite understandable.” How much the situation had upset the doctor was undeniably clear on his face and in the tremble of his voice. Garak took the hand holding onto the edge of his sleeve and interlaced their fingers together. “How long before your debriefing?”

 Julian shook his head. “Not until tomorrow morning.”

 “Good. Then you’ll have all the time you need to understand what is real, and what didn’t truly happen.” Garak smiled warmly. “Your quarters?”

 Julian pulled back and furrowed his brow. “But your shop?”

 “It’s only a couple of hours earlier than I normally close. What’s more important at the moment is you, my dear.” Garak brought his free hand up to caress the other man’s cheek. “You’ve been through quite the experience. Then you sought me out as quickly as you could. Why would I think anything more important?”

 Julian gave a slight nod. Then he leaned in for a chaste kiss, needing another reminder what was real before they went any further.

 “Come along,” Garak prompted softly. With one hand, he folded what he had been working on before the Bajoran customer had come in. He led Julian outside, their hands never letting go, and said the code to lock the door behind them.

 Both men were quiet as Garak led the way to Julian’s quarters. Stepping inside as the door slid open in response to his personal code, he commanded the computer to dim the lights to seventy-five percent.

 “First order of business is to get you out of this dirty uniform,” Garak suggested.

 Julian glanced down at himself. “Ah, yeah. I forgot about that.”

 “No matter.” Garak steered Julian to the bedroom. He helped the human out of the uniform. He let it fall to the floor and kicked it in the general direction of the cleaning unit.

 "Shower would be nice,” Julian sighed, already feeling a little better by getting out of the uniform.

 “Go on,” Garak replied. “I’ll join you in a moment.”

 Julian smiled, and went to the refresher unit. He stripped naked and turned on the water, waiting a few seconds for it to heat up to the specified temperature before stepping under the water.

 He closed his eyes and simply let the water wash over him. It felt so good to be home, for real this time. It wasn’t long before he heard Garak come in, and felt him get into the show with him. He opened his eyes at the sharp inhale through Garak’s nose as the water hit him. “Not too cold, I hope?”

 Garak shook his head with a smile. “More than tolerable.”

 “Good,” Julian whispered and wrapped his arms around the Cardassian’s cooler body to hold him close. His fingers traced over the scales on Garak’s back as they trailed up to settle on his neck under the black hair. His other hand settled on Garak’s side, lightly gripping the scaled ridge. He buried his face into the side of Garak’s neck, the now-wet black hair clinging to his cheek.

 Garak returned the movement, and his fingers on Julian’s side lightly trailed up and down the smooth skin. He slightly turned his head to say into the other man’s ear, “Are you still having trouble knowing what’s real?”

 “Not at the moment…” Julian sighed, perfectly content to just stand here with Garak like this. He lazily smiled and shifted even closer against the other man.

 Eventually, Garak started to scrub at Julian’s hair with his fingers, the cue for actually starting to get Julian clean. Julian sighed and surrendered to pulling away from Garak, turning to get his soap and shampoo.

 It only took a couple of minutes, with them both working on it, to make Julian feel clean and relaxed from what had happened. Julian didn’t try to stay in the water longer, feeling that Garak’s skin was still cool despite the warm water.

 They both dressed in pajamas, with Garak having a couple of sets that had made a home in Julian’s drawers since he had started spending some nights with him.

 They shared a light meal and tea. They didn’t talk much while they ate, both knowing the need for a companionable quiet for the doctor to sort through his thoughts. Julian picked up the empty plates and mugs to put them in the replicator. As he watched them disappear, he said quietly, “Commander Sisko had to pull me away from… you.” He turned back to Garak, a soft and open expression on his face. “I… I didn’t want to leave you. I couldn’t…”

 Garak stepped forward. “Then I’m glad that the good commander was there to help you leave me.” He chuckled softly with a wry smile. “I share your relief that this was only a simulation. I would like to think I’d be more difficult to kill than that.”

 Julian returned the smile. “Indeed.” He glanced down to his hands, and glanced back up with his best pleased and innocent face. “So does that mean you’ve had experience nearly getting killed in dramatic situations?”

 “Oh, my dear… you’ll have to do much better than that.”

 “Give me a break. I’ve just gotten back from quite the mission.”

 “One shouldn’t let themselves get out of practice,” Garak replied, keeping his tone light. He took the human’s hand. “You’re tired.”

 Julian nodded his agreement. Without another word, Garak led him to the bedroom and gently pushed him down to the mattress. Julian stretched out and pulled the blanket up over his legs. The mattress dipped down as the Cardassian sat then stretched out on the other side.

 Garak moved in close, on his side to look down at the tan face. Julian raised his hand, gently trailing his fingers over the jaw ridges before tracing them over the brow ridges. Garak turned his face into the touch, and Julian caressed the softer cheek.

 “This is real…” the younger man whispered.

 “Yes, my dear Julian. This is real.” Garak lowered his head to capture the other’s lips with his in a soft kiss.

 “This is real,” Julian assured himself one more time as his hand snaked around to the back of Garak’s neck to deepen the kiss.


End file.
